


dirty minds

by thunderylee



Category: Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Nudity, member love, sexual innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-20
Updated: 2008-07-20
Packaged: 2019-02-05 05:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12787773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Five times Shige is in a room with Kanjani8 and there is not an orgy.





	dirty minds

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

> **take one** – _member-ai transposed_

“There he is! _There he is_! Do you see him, Shige? Do you?”

Shige nods and pretends to be excited. Sometimes Koyama is worse than a fangirl. At least he’s appropriately dressed; while Shige may not be recognized walking down the street, Koyama certainly would. He makes a really ugly girl, but it’s a good enough disguise and keeps Shige from getting embarrassed at the way Koyama’s waving his Ryo uchiwa and squealing higher than most of the real girls in their section.

It wasn’t his idea to see Ryo with his “other family,” as Koyama puts it, but he’d gotten Koya-puppy eyes and didn’t really have anything better to do. Besides, he actually _likes_ some of Kanjani8’s music, not that he would ever tell Ryo that.

“RYO-CHAN, GANBATTE!” Koyama yells at the top of his lungs, drowned out by the rest of the audience as Ryo begins his duet with The Really Tall One.

Koyama’s uncharacteristically quiet when it’s over, and Shige looks over to see his eyes sparkling in the dark.

“Ryo-chan is so talented,” Koyama sniffs. “I’m proud.”

After the concert, Koyama drags Shige backstage, past the security who actually looks relieved when Koyama yanks off the wig and reveals his true identity. Shige likes to think it’s because he wouldn’t be seen with such a hideous girl, but he knows that he wouldn’t have been able to get past security by himself even if he showed his ID.

In the dressing room, the active members are winding down after their show, which meant they were draped all over each other and Ohkura is braiding Yasu’s hair.

“Nice outfit, Kei,” Ryo greets them, kicking Yoko’s chair when the latter bends down to try and look up Koyama’s skirt.

“Ryo-chan is so good!” Koyama wails. “Your dancing was very sexy and your hair looks cool too.”

Ryo looks embarrassed, avoiding the lingering smirks of both Hina and Ohkura, who Shige knows will be harassing him about this for at least a month. “Thanks…”

“Katou-kun,” Subaru says suddenly, letting his glasses fall to the edge of his nose while he huddles in a corner with Maruyama. “Your fly is down.”

Shige looks down in a panic, but his zipper is just fine and the lot of them are cackling like a group of witches. Even Koyama, the traitor.

Subaru grins. “I mean, ‘hello!’ How are you? Did you enjoy the show?”

Grunting noncommittally, Shige folds his arms and takes his stance of indifference.

“Koyama-kun,” Yoko mutters from the general vicinity of Hina’s lap, where he’s still trying to upskirt Koyama. “Do you have any Kansai in you?”

“Don’t answer that,” Shige warns.

“Eh?” Koyama swivels his head around to look down at Yoko, who snaps his head back and smiles guiltily. “Kansai? No, I’m from Kanagawa.”

Yoko waggles his eyebrows. “Would you like some?”

Shige claps his hand to his forehead.

“Eh?” Koyama says again. “Like, Kansai food? I love Ryo-chan’s curry.”

Hiding behind Ryo (or trying to, anyway), Subaru and Maruyama are doing fairly decent hyena impressions.

“Nishikido-kun,” Shige says desperately, staring hard at Ryo to convey his mental request to control his perverted bandmates.

Koyama misunderstands. “Right, we’re here to congratulate Ryo-chan on a good show! Way to go, Aniki!”

Hina gasps. “Aniki?”

Shige’s only slightly amused as Ryo starts to turn red, but he only gets to enjoy it for a second because – as usual – Ryo turns the focus to Shige. “Do you know how many takoyaki I can fit in his mouth?”

Six heads swivel to look at Shige. “Seven,” Yasu guesses, peering at him crookedly.

“That’s too many!” Hina exclaims. “He would choke. I say five.”

“Thirteen,” says Ryo proudly.

Shige’s faced with gaping expressions and forces a smile.

“Do you swallow as you go?” Subaru asks seriously, blinking rapidly to contain his straight face.

“Of course he does,” Koyama jumps in. “It would be impossible otherwise.”

“Thirteen takoyaki,” Yoko mutters to himself, looking up at Hina. “I don’t even think _you_ have thirteen takoyaki.”

“Twelve, tops,” Hina replies.

“I don’t believe you,” Ohkura announces, commanding everyone’s attention. “Prove it.”

“But we don’t have any takoyaki,” Koyama says sadly, looking around like some would magically appear.

“We can improvise,” Yoko suggests.

Shige closes his eyes, praying to whoever’s listening that when he opens them, the bad men will be gone and Koyama will be in normal boy clothes.

His eyes pop open when Yoko falls out of his Hina-chair from straining too far to look under Koyama’s skirt. There’s a roar of laughter, including his own, and not including Koyama who instantly kneels beside him to see if he’s okay. Yoko’s grinning stupidly, giving Koyama a doting look that makes Koyama’s worry-tears go away.

“Ko-ya-ma-kun,” Yoko enunciates. “Is pretty.”

Ryo’s smile fades and he lunges for Koyama. “I think you should go – Shige’s about to fall asleep on the wall.”

He practically shoves Koyama at Shige, who catches him and gives Ryo an odd look. At Ryo’s insistent glare he yawns widely, nodding at Koyama and noticing how Hina and Subaru are slowly sidling up to either side of Yoko like they want to eat him.

“Ryo-chan’s mean,” Yoko tells them as they approach. “He won’t let me play with his friends.”

Koyama starts to say something, but Ryo’s shoving them out the door and gives Koyama an apologetic look before closing it in their faces.

Shige shifts uncomfortably while Koyama returns the wig to his head and smiles brightly. “Kanjani8 have such great member-ai!”

“Something like that,” says Shige, who thinks it will take more than bleach to get those images out of his mind. ****

> **take two** – _nautical adventures_

Shige is content, calm, and relaxed. He’s also alone, which is probably the only reason he feels this way, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s a warm, breezy night. He’s sitting outside the jimusho, waiting for Koyama to finish taping Shokura so that he can celebrate the end of his strenuous final exams.

He sighs happily, feeling the wind whip through his hair and the trees, maybe a little louder than it should be, and he only feels like something is wrong for a second before there’s a pain in his head and his world fades to black.

When he comes to, the first thing he sees is Ryo’s face of disapproval. “You’re too easy. Don’t go out at night if you can’t defend yourself, stupid.”

“Where am I?” Shige asks, a little less panicked by Ryo’s presence.

Ryo laughs as the ground moves. “Ohkura’s yacht.”

“Yeah, did you hear that?” Ohkura’s voice sounds in the background. “ _My_ yacht. Get your dirty hands off of my shit.”

There’s some giggling and Shige turns his head to see Yasu wearing a life preserver and not much else. He cringes, although whether it’s from the sight or the throbbing in is head is debatable. “Why did you knock me out?”

“You wouldn’t have come quietly,” Hina says from behind them. “Ryo-chan was running late, so Maru and I had to go get you.”

Shige nods understandably. “So what do you want with me?”

“We want to use you,” Ryo says cryptically.

“ _Use you_ ,” Maruyama echoes, making his creepy face.

Shige shivers. It’s a lot colder than it was earlier. “For what?”

“For your brain, of course,” Ryo scoffs, like any other possibility is preposterous. “None of us know how to drive a yacht.”

“It’s called _steering_ ,” Yasu inputs, making steering motions with both hands for effect.

“I don’t know either,” Shige says.

Ryo looks disappointed. “But you can figure it out, right?”

“… Maybe.” Shige thinks quickly. “When it’s light outside.”

“Light?!” Hina exclaims. “It’s only ten-thirty. What are we going to do for eight hours?”

“I have beer!” calls a familiar voice, and Shige starts to feel much better about this situation when he sees Uchi flailing up from the lower deck with two six-packs that are dripping ice. “Oh, hi Shige!”

“That’s _Captain_ Shige,” Maruyama corrects, smiling brightly at Shige. “Right?”

Shige sighs. “Right.”

“Yay!” Kanjani8 chorus.

“Since you’re not driving the boat tonight, you may have a beer,” Uchi says, offering a can.

“How ironically considerate of you,” Shige comments.

“Yoko!” Ohkura screams. “Don’t piss off the side of the boat!”

“I hope there’s nobody else who decided to sleep on their boats tonight,” Shige mumbles under his breath.

Ryo snorts. “Private dock.”

Shige lays back down as the boat starts rocking again. “I don’t feel well.”

“Don’t puke on my yacht,” Ohkura snaps. “Take him downstairs, Ryo-chan.”

“Aye-aye, asshole,” Ryo says sarcastically, yanking Shige to his feet and stumbling them both down into a spacious room with a couch, which Shige falls into and buries his face into the cushion as the boat lurches again. “Who do you trust more, me or Uchi?”

“Eh?” Shige asks. “For what?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Neither,” Shige responds. “Out of everyone here, I trust Ohkura-kun the most.”

“What?!” Ryo looks appalled. “He’s the most devious out of all of us!”

Shige chuckles. “That may be so, but since this is his boat, we’re all his responsibility. If something bad happens to me, I can sue him.”

Ryo considers this. “Be right back.”

Thirty seconds later Ohkura is thundering down the stairs, eyeing Shige oddly. “Do you want me or something?”

“Um, no,” Shige says, making a face.

Ohkura frowns like he’s disappointed. “Anyway, here, I’m supposed to give you these.”

Shige considers the pills and gives Ohkura his best WTF face. “What are they?”

“Dramamine,” Ohkura says. “It’s for motion sickness. Yasu brought a bunch but he doesn’t have the bottle.”

Another wave hits them and Shige moans in discomfort.

“I don’t want you to sue me,” Ohkura goes on. “And besides, if I was going to try and date rape you, I’d be a little more original. Moreso, I like my victims awake.”

Shige blinks and swallows the pills with the proffered cup of water. “Thanks.”

“No problem, _Captain_ ,” Ohkura says with a wink as he starts to head back to the deck. “If you change your mind…”

Shige groans and rolls over, hugging himself to stay warm.

The next thing he knows, there’s light pouring in the circle windows and Shige is no longer cold. He’s also no longer alone, judging by the cacophony of snoring cutting through the otherwise silent room, one of which is directed into his hair.

“Nishikido,” he says gruffly. “Get your friends off me.”

“He’s your friend too,” Ryo replies sleepily, sounding way too amused and way too close.

Shige’s eyes snap open to see Ryo directly in front of him, laughing silently into his pillow while he serves _as_ Ohkura’s pillow. The deadweight on Shige’s back is clearly Uchi, who Shige would have identified by the perfectly manicured fingernails on the hand that’s flung around him.

He wants to scream, but the thought of them being awake is more frightening.

Uchi moans in his sleep and clutches Shige more tightly, and Shige casts Ryo a dirty look.

“Push him off,” Ryo says with a shrug as he plays with Ohkura’s hair. Ohkura’s hand reaches up to slap him away but falters halfway through.

Shige takes a deep breath and flings Uchi off of him, hearing an “oof” from whoever he lands on. Obviously this person does not mind an Uchi draped across him, which suits Shige just fine. It’s when he hears kissing noises that he starts to glare harder at Ryo.

“If you don’t like it, go up to the deck,” Ryo grumbles. “You’re pissing me off.”

The angry vibrations in Ryo’s voice wake up Ohkura, who smiles and snuggles closer while trailing his fingers down Ryo’s chest.

Shige thinks he needs another Dramamine, and it’s not from the motion in the ocean.

Hours later when the others trudge up to the deck, they’re astounded to find themselves in the middle of Tokyo bay with Shige whistling behind the steering wheel, his shirt tied around his head.

“He did it!” Subaru exclaims, most of his eyes still closed.

Uchi leans over the helm and peers at Shige. “You cannot have any beer now because you’re _driving_.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Yoko drags Subaru up to the very front of the boat, holds out Subaru’s arms, and grips him around the waist. “I’m king of the world!”

“That’s not how it goes, dipshit,” Hina yells. “He has to be naked.”

“Who does?” Subaru asks.

Hina thinks about it and points at Yoko.

Yoko shrugs and starts taking off his clothes.

Shige alters his navigational instruments so that they’re conveniently blocking his view.

“How did you do it?” Ryo asks, standing next to Shige as they cruise out onto open water. “I thought you said you didn’t know how to drive a boat.”

“ _Steer_ ,” Shige corrects. “And I didn’t.” He holds up his phone. “But I do know how to Google.” ****

> **take three** – _the usual suspect_

“YOU.”

Shige looks up from his book as Hina barrels towards him, clad in a towel with his hair dripping wet. “ _You_ yourself,” he replies.

Hina frowns, upset that his intimidation is not effective. “You took something from us,” he tries again.

Tegoshi folds his arms and sets his jaw. “You should address Shige better than that, Murakami-kun. He’s your senpai.”

In the corner, Yamapi laughs himself awake.

Hina smiles sweetly at Tegoshi, then lunges forward to grab Shige by the collar and drag him out of the room. Koyama starts to flail and chase after them, but Hina sends a glare over his shoulder that makes Koyama cringe and stay where he is.

Happy that he could scare _somebody_ , Hina sings to himself as he takes Shige down the hall to the Kanjani8 practice room. Juniors in their path cower and get out of the way, whispering in their wake and undoubtedly starting rumors that will make Shige blush as he tries to explain them to Koyama. Again.

The other members of Kanjani8 are in similar states of undress when Shige’s shoved into the room, tripping over a chair leg and falling to his hands and knees. “What the fu-”

Ryo rolls his eyes in one of the mirrors, where he stands thankfully dressed. “It’s not him.”

“Lies,” Hina declares, kicking Shige in the butt to knock him off balance. “He’s the one who gives you the most trouble.”

Yasu catches Shige’s eye and shakes his head slowly, a disapproving frown on his face like Shige did something really bad.

“You guys?” Shige starts. “I like you, I really do, but I’m seriously going to get pissed off if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” Yoko booms, standing in his underwear with one foot on a chair, showing Shige more than he ever wanted to see. “You stole Ryo-chan’s genki!”

“I did _what_ ,” Shige says, deadpan.

“ _It’s not him_ ,” Ryo insists, instantly launching into a smashing fit when his straightener leaves a curl in his hair.

“His _genki_ ,” Subaru repeats, like Shige is a child. “You stole it.”

It doesn’t make anymore sense the second time, and Shige gets as far as to his knees before Hina puts him in a loose choke-hold. “Fix it.”

“Fix _what_?” Shige exclaims. “I didn’t do anything!”

Ohkura looks up from where he’s filing his nails. “Honestly, I can’t believe he’d let someone like you break his heart like that. Ryo-chan, you can do so much better.”

Shige sputters, gaping at Ryo. “I broke your heart?”

“NOT YOU!” Ryo tries again.

“I mean, you’re _blond_ ,” Ohkura goes on.

“Maybe he likes blonds,” says Maruyama. “Yasu, quick – go dye your hair blond again.”

“Okay!” Yasu chirps, his smile back as he runs out the door.

He immediately comes back for a pair of pants, then leaves again.

Shige pats his hair defensively. “Nishikido-kun, I had no idea.”

Ryo sighs. “Why doesn’t anyone listen to me.”

“He talks about you all the time,” Subaru says to Shige, ignoring Ryo’s dirty looks. “How you two argue and compete, the uncomfortable silences when you’re in the same room…”

Shige blinks. “That doesn’t sound like undying affection to me.”

“It’s not,” Yoko responds. “It’s foreplay.”

“ _What_ ,” Ryo and Shige say simultaneously.

“Foreplay,” Ohkura repeats clearly.

“ _We_ feel,” Yoko begins, pacing around the room with his hands behind his back. “That is, we as Kanjani8 -”

“Uchi too,” Maruyama jumps in.

“- _All_ of Kanjani8,” Yoko clarifies. “We feel that this unresolved sexual tension is causing a problem for both of our groups.”

“I’m very disappointed that Yamashita-kun hasn’t recognized the symptoms yet,” Hina comments. “He had the same problem before with KAT-TUN.”

“Unresolved _what_?” Shige asks, disbelieving of his ears.

“Sexual tension,” five people repeat.

Ryo sighs and mimics strangling himself with the straightener cord.

Shige clears his throat. “Is that all that brought you to this… this conclusion? He complains about me?”

“Today,” Yoko starts, like he’s making a grand announcement, “Ryo-chan wanted to shower by himself.”

Shige gasps, but not for the reason they probably think. “You all _shower together_?”

“Water conservation,” Maruyama explains. “We care about the environment.”

Ohkura nods his agreement.

Yasu chooses this moment to burst through the door, his hair up in a shower cap. “Hey, I just ran into Koyama, who was freaking out about something, but I told him I had to go because Ryo-chan just confessed to Shige and I didn’t want to miss the answer!”

Shige seriously considers banging his head on the floor.

“He looked really happy,” Yasu goes on.

“Of course he did,” Shige says dryly.

“I’m not in love with you, you dumb idiot,” Ryo grumbles. “I’m just tired.”

“So tired you want to shower by yourself?” Yoko prods. “One of us could help hold you up while another washes -”

“That’s not what happens in the shower and you know it,” Ryo shoots back. “I am so fucking tired that I don’t feel up to that kind of activity, if you know what I mean.”

Shige wishes he didn’t know what Ryo meant.

“That’s it?” Hina shrieks. “Maybe if you would get some fucking sleep -”

“That’s my bad,” Ohkura offers.

“- you’d be able to participate in our group activities -”

“My _ears_ ,” Shige whines.

“Katou-kun,” Subaru says quietly, kneeling down before Shige. “Are you a virgin?”

Ryo throws a scrunchie at him. “What are you, stupid? Of course he is.”

Shige squawks indignantly.

“Oh,” Hina says, stopping mid-scream and standing still. “Well, I guess we were wrong then. There’s no way Ryo-chan would ever have the patience to teach someone what to do.”

“I am the biggest virgin _ever_ ,” Shige says loudly, nodding his head for effect. “Really. Pure as the snow, I am.”

Yoko’s smile twitches, and Shige makes a mental note to stay away from him for awhile.

“Sorry, Katou-kun,” Hina says casually, lifting Shige to his feet by the back of his collar. “It was a case of mistaken identity.”

“You’re a shitty detective,” Ohkura comments.

“So I’m just going to go now,” Shige says, slowly backing up until he feels the door behind him and _flies_ back to the comfort of his own practice room.

“Shige!” Koyama greets him. “I heard from Yasuda-kun! Congratulations!”

“Heard what?” Tegoshi asks curiously.

“Ryo-chan and Shige are going out!” Koyama cries.

“No, we’re -” Shige starts.

And is promptly cut off as Ryo strides into the room and smacks him on the ass. “‘Sup, lover,” he says with a straight face that only lasts for two seconds before he doubles over in laughter.

“I hate you,” Shige mumbles.

Ryo’s still laughing as he pokes Yamapi to nudge over. “Hey, did you guys know Shige’s a virgin?” he announces before falling straight to sleep.

“Really?” Koyama squeals. “Good for you! Don’t worry, Ryo-chan will be very gentle, or I’ll kick his ass.”

Ryo snorts into Yamapi’s hair.

Shige flinches and returns to his book. “That’s disgusting.”

Massu pats Shige comfortingly on the shoulder and offers him half a mochi. Shige accepts gratefully and starts to bring it to his mouth, but then he notices Tegoshi peering at him with big eyes. “Yes?”

Tegoshi bites his lip. “What’s it like to be a virgin?”

As Ryo nearly chokes on his laughter, Shige sighs and figures that this should keep Ryo genki for a very long time. ****

> **take four** – _mutual literacy_

The library is Shige’s haven. It keeps him away from the kinds of people he dislikes – annoying people, stupid people, _loud_ people. He can read whatever he wants in peace without any interruptions. If he could marry the library, he totally would.

The main basis of its appeal, however, is that in the many years he’s been coming here, he has not once seen anyone else from Johnny’s. Even Koyama won’t step foot in this building because he knows that it’s Shige’s private sanctuary.

It’s a small library, but Shige doesn’t come for the books. He comes for the silence, the solitude, and sometimes the free coffee. On very rare occasions – usually right before finals – he’ll see another person there, but it doesn’t impede him any because it’s an unspoken rule that everyone minds their own business in this place.

So when he catches a glimpse of a familiar silhouette on the other side of the bookcase, his nerves are on end. Or his feathers are ruffled, more like. This is _his_ library; it should not be tainted with the likes of those… barbarians!

Ohkura catches his eye, winks, and continues on his way, shaking his ass a little more than is necessary in Shige’s opinion. Even though the offending creature is out of his sight, he hears hushed whispers and chuckling from across the room and can no longer concentrate on his criminal law assignment.

Slowly, he cracks his knuckles and approaches them, faltering in his menacing stance when he sees that it’s _all_ of them, all fucking eight of them lounging on the chairs and couches by the windows, blocked from the rest of the library by the reference section.

“What are you doing here,” he seethes.

Eight heads turn to look at him, half of which have the audacity to gasp in surprise.

“You mean,” Yoko whispers, “what’s a bunch of guys like us doing in a place like this?”

“Yes,” says Shige. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

“We do know how to read,” Ohkura quips, looking a little offended. “We came here to _read_.”

Shige surveys the brightly-colored group. Ohkura and Subaru have thick books that look like novels, Yoko’s flipping through a gaming magazine, Ryo and Uchi are perched over the coffee table poured over Leah Dizon’s latest spread, Yasu and Maru are giggling over shoujo manga, and Shige almost missed Hina behind the large tome that looks like a history textbook.

“No, really,” Shige says, feeling a little bewildered.

Hina cracks first. “Air-conditioning.”

“And free coffee,” Yoko adds, holding up his styrofoam cup.

“And _Shige_ ,” says Uchi with a grin. “Won’t you join us?”

Shige notes Ryo’s hand that is entirely not visible above the table. “I don’t think so.”

“Katou-kun, what’s this word?” Ohkura asks, shoving his book in Shige’s face and pointing.

Shige’s eyebrows almost rise off of his forehead when he learns that the book is in _English_. “I-I don’t know,” he says honestly, feeling a little embarrassed. “I have my dictionary over with my books, if you want me to -”

“ _Infallible_ ,” Ohkura enunciates. “It means perfect, _kanpeki_.”

“Usually used in a negative tone,” Subaru adds.

Shige’s mouth hangs open. “Is your book in English too?”

Shaking his head, Subaru offers a laugh. “No, but it’s translated from Stephen King.”

Shige stares incredulously. “I’m going to go back to my seat now. Please keep it down.”

“Hai hai,” Hina says in a bored tone. “If you need any help with your homework, let us know. We watch a lot of law shows.”

“He doesn’t need our help,” Ohkura jumps in. “He’s _infallible_.”

Wordlessly, Shige returns to his seat and listens to his Ipod, ignoring thoughts of Ohkura speaking English and Hina as a samurai warrior while Subaru destructs things with his _mind_. He ends up writing his paper on defending a criminally-insane man from Osaka who brainwashes people with his voice and big words.

Five minutes later, when Jin and Yamapi walk through the door and head straight for the Alternative Lifestyles section, Shige thinks that he needs to find another haven. ****

> **take five** – _sweet home osaka_

“Why am I here again?”

Ryo downs his fifth shot, exhaling happily as he regards Shige through very squinted eyes. “We needed a designated driver.”

“Oh, right.” Shige nurses his tea and looks out over the very crowded club, which is less of an actual nightclub and more of a bar with a dance floor, overrun with sweaty, grinding bodies, most of whom are the rest of Kanjani8.

“Why don’t you go dance?” Ryo asks.

“Why don’t you?” Shige replies.

Ryo rolls his eyes. “I don’t like this song.”

It’s a simple enough reason, but the music doesn’t seem to hinder any of his bandmates from flailing about with a scantily-clad woman – or in Subaru and Yasu’s instance, each other. Although Shige has to admit, Uchi seems to be dancing more with his beer than the girl who looks entirely too drunk to know the difference.

Shige laughs before he can stop himself, and when he looks over at Ryo, he’s laughing too. “Can you imagine if it was NewS here?”

Ryo laughs harder. “We’d have to pry Tegoshi away from anyone with a pair of boobs, and by ‘we’ I mean Koyama, and Yamapi would end up obliviously dragged into the bathroom by some big burly dude while Massu dances better than everyone – completely sober – and the two of us do exactly what we’re doing now.”

Shige offers his glass for a toast, which Ryo accepts.

“ _Instead_ ,” Ryo goes on, “Uchi’s going to go home with that girl, wake up in the morning and not know where he is. Yasu will pass out right where he stands, and Subaru won’t notice for at least three more songs. I give Maru two more drinks before he’s praying to the porcelain throne while Hina holds back his hair and barks at anyone who tries to laugh at him, Yoko’s going to either get kicked out or get his ass kicked for being unable to keep his hands to himself, and Ohkura’s going to continue to stand against the wall and glare at all of us disapprovingly while he secretly wishes he could get laid.”

“You do this often, then,” Shige comments.

“It’s the main reason I keep coming back.” Ryo snorts, gesturing for another shot and offering Shige a drunken smile. “I don’t know about you, though.”

Shige cocks his head. “What about me?”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen to you,” Ryo clarifies. “Even though you’re not drinking, you’d probably follow some hot girl if she seemed interested.”

Shige scoffs. “Give me a little more credit than that.”

“Oh?” Ryo questions, nudging Shige in the shoulder as he leans over and whispers, “Straight behind you, with the yellow ribbon .”

Trying not to be obvious, Shige pretends to brush something off of his shoulder and catches her before she can look away, biting her lip before flicking her eyes back up to meet his.

Ryo’s laughing, but Shige barely hears him. He offers her a smile, which makes her fidget with her purse and hide behind her friend. He tries a wave next, ignoring how Ryo is practically hysterical next to him as she timidly waves back.

He feels Ryo’s hand pat his shoulder just before he gets up and joins Uchi and his future overnight companion. He’s perfectly content with just admiring her from afar, watching her twist her hair around her finger as she gestures towards her friend and her friend’s date like she’s bored out of her mind.

Shige gestures towards the dance floor in general, but particularly where Ryo and Uchi are making a sandwich out of that girl and sharing Uchi’s beer over her head. As he shakes his head at them, he notices Hina walking towards the cute girl and nearly falls off of his barstool in an attempt to intercept him.

He trips over his feet and watches in horror as Hina approaches her, but her faces lights up and they embrace like they know each other. Then Shige’s eyes widen as Hina points straight at him and says something that involves a giant grin and some nods.

“Katou!” Hina shouts. “Don’t be a pussy, get your ass over here!”

Now that everyone’s looking at him, he puts on his best stride and walks up to the two of them like nothing’s out of the ordinary. “Um, hello,” he says.

“Hi,” she says.

“This is Reina-chan,” Hina introduces. “She went to school with us, so she’s considerably older than you.”

Reina rolls her eyes at Hina and smiles at Shige. “Nice to meet you.”

“Be careful,” Hina says quietly, leaning over like he’s telling Shige a big secret. “Older women are fiesty.”

Shige laughs when Reina punches Hina in the shoulder and shoves him back to the dance floor, except that Hina manages to grab both of their arms as he’s sucked back into the crowd and Shige’s laughter ceases when he’s pulled into the middle of a bunch of gyrating bodies and hot air with Reina practically against his chest.

“Um…” he says, not sure where to put his hands.

She just bounces, shaking her ponytail to purposely smack Hina in the face as he tries to dance behind her. “You’re way too nice to be friends with them!” she practically yells over the bass thumping all around them.

“I don’t even know them!” he yells back. “I work with the short one!”

Reina peers over his shoulder. “You mean that short one who’s making out with the tall one?”

Against his better judgment, Shige glances behind him and sees Uchi and Ryo now sharing other things above the drunk girl’s head. “Yeah, that one,” he says flatly.

She giggles. “I knew him when he was little. I don’t think he’s much better than Baka Murakami.”

“Don’t forget Baka Yokoyama!” Yoko yells from behind Shige, where he grabs him around the waist and makes a big show of dancing behind him. “Good choice, Katou. Reina-chan gives the _best_ brain.” He makes a hand motion for effect.

Reina immediately pushes Shige out of the way and runs towards Yoko with her fists flying, Yoko holding up his hands to block her and laughing hysterically. She ends up on his back, trying to choke him while he spins her around like it’s a dance move.

“Told you she was fiesty,” Hina says as he dances up to Shige, Maru and Yasu in a conga line behind him.

Reina returns with a flushed face, her hair a little messed up and popping her knuckles. “This was much easier when they were smaller than me.” She blows her bangs out of her face and looks apologetically at Shige. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

Yoko stands behind her, continuing to make that hand motion in time with the song that’s playing while Subaru seems to finally notice their old classmate and jumps on Uchi’s back to eavesdrop better; Uchi doesn’t notice.

Shige opens his mouth to answer, but an arm is slung around his shoulder and Ohkura stands tall next to him, looking down at Reina with a completely unamused face. “Reina,” he greets her.

“Ohkura-kun,” she says just as coldly. “How are you?”

“I _was_ fine,” he says pointedly. “What are you doing here? Scouting for someone else’s head to fuck with?”

“That was _five years ago_ ,” Reina hisses through her teeth. “Get over it already.”

Ohkura starts towards her, but both Hina and Yoko hold him back. “Not worth it,” Yoko whispers to him, patting his shoulder.

“Wait, wait,” Hina says suddenly. “ _That_ was _her_?”

Ohkura nods. “Watch out, Katou. She likes the young, impressionable ones.”

Shige swallows uncomfortably. People are still dancing around them, but Uchi and Ryo are now glaring at Reina while Subaru looks as surprised as Hina.

“I can drive if you want to go with her,” Ohkura says. “Just looking at her makes me sober.”

And he turns away, walking straight out the door and into the night. Shige looks helplessly at Ryo, who shrugs as if to say it’s Shige’s decision, and reluctantly he turns to Reina and clears his throat.

“It’s okay,” she says, flashing a smile. “Bros before hos, right?”

Chuckling, Shige nods, shrugging apologetically as Ryo’s jaw drops and Yoko stops dancing abruptly, a look of sheer amazement crossing his face.

“It was nice meeting you,” she says, ignoring the dirty looks directed at her as she brushes past Shige and returns to her table.

“But…” Subaru says slowly, approaching Shige. “You don’t even like Tacchon!”

Shige quickly flicks his eyes towards Ryo. “I promised you guys I would drive,” is all he says, nodding at them before paying his tab and joining Ohkura outside.

They don’t speak, only smoke as Ohkura leans against the wall that vibrates with the bass from inside. “I’ll tell you if you want to know,” he says quietly.

“You don’t have to,” Shige replies. “I’ve forgotten about her already.”

The corners of Ohkura’s lips turn up into a small smile. “You’re a smart guy.”

“I never want to feel like that towards someone,” Shige says honestly. “That extreme kind of hate. It doesn’t matter what happened, just that it was enough to stay with you this whole time.”

Ohkura nods. “You’re lucky, then, that it hasn’t happened to you yet.”

“Nah, it’s not luck,” Shige says with a laugh. “It’s my overprotective friends who stick their noses in my business because they think I’m going to make the same mistakes they did.”

“They’re right,” says Ohkura.

“I know,” Shige whispers. “Thank you.”

Ohkura looks at the sky, inhaling his drag deeply before flicking the butt out into the gravel. Their quasi-silence is interrupted by a loud wail of something that sounds like Naniwa Iroha Bushi, the slurred Kansai-ben version, as Uchi bounces out with Subaru on his shoulders while Ryo can barely keep the very asleep Yasu upright and Maru races past all of them to double over the bushes, Hina right behind him.

“It’s odd how my predictions turn out to be right,” Ryo comments, elbowing Shige to help him with Yasu with a proud smirk on his face.

“What about -” Shige starts to ask, but then the bouncer comes out with a struggling Yoko, dumping him on the ground and glaring at them all before going back inside.

“If she didn’t want me to touch them, she’d keep them covered!” Yoko yells back after him.

Ohkura shakes his head and relieves Ryo and Shige of Yasu, carrying him to his car where he gently lays him in the backseat and tosses Shige his keys. “Yoko’s place is the closest.”

“Oh, shit,” Yoko cringes. “My mom will be so thrilled.”

“Call her now so she can have food ready,” Hina says, poking him as he drags Maru to the car and wedges both of them in with Yasu and Ohkura.

Shige manages to squeeze in the driver’s seat with Ryo and Subaru on the e-brake and Uchi squished against the window. He thinks that Uchi and Maru should switch to even out the weight, but since they all seem content crammed in like sardines, Shige keeps his mouth shut and drives.

He has to pull over twice for Maru and once for Uchi to take a leak, and by the time he reaches Yoko’s parents’ house, Ryo is halfway on his lap and drooling on his shoulder.

“Hey,” he says to the car as a whole. “Quick, someone take a picture.”

“Aww,” Uchi says as he leans across the dash and clicks his camera phone. “Ryo-chan is so cute.”

“Katou!” Hina says incredulously. “Are you thinking about _blackmailing_ Ryo-chan?”

“Of course I am,” Shige says, letting his amusement slip.

“In that case,” Subaru says with an evil grin, pushing Ryo’s head down incriminatingly and motioning for Uchi to take another picture.

“I knew you weren’t an insult to Osaka,” Ohkura mutters approvingly as he heaves Yasu across Yoko’s front lawn.

Shige freezes as he sees Yoko’s mother at the door, curlers in her hair and a spatula in her hand which undoubtedly rises to smack her oldest son for showing up at 2am with seven of his drunken friends and their DD. “I have a right mind to make you all sleep outside!” she hollers. “Except _you_ ,” she says sweetly to Shige. “Thank you for bringing my babies home safely.”

Hina and Subaru wince as Yoko-mama pulls them both inside by their ears, grabbing pillows and blankets and moving furniture for them to all pile on the living room floor. Shige rushes to help her, at least until she swats at him and the three Ossan snicker as he learns not to get in the way of an Osakan woman on a mission.

“Some things you have to learn for yourself,” Ohkura says to him with a wink.

Shige smiles as he forwards Uchi’s picture mail to Yamapi, knowing that he’ll send it to Jin and Jin will send it to everybody. “That you do,” he agrees.


End file.
